What Shall You Create?

Jackie awoke with a start, the nightmare playing on her mind and dancing as shadows on the walls of her room.  Her bed was warm, cozy and soft, her room spacious and filled with things she had gathered over so many years.

She heard the whispers of staff in the hallways, the labored breathing of the man next door and the steady pulse of the grandfather clock in the dining room.  So many people here, living, working, visiting.  But she was alone in that room…in her life.

Gazing into the gray eventide of her room, Jackie felt the gray melting into her soul, washing away the color and vibrancy she now only faintly remembered.  Glimpsing the vanishing color, she vaguely wondered, ‘Where did that come from?  Did I see, feel, taste color…ever?’  Falling again into restless, unfulfilled sleep…

‘Jackie,’ she heard.  ‘Jackie,’ again, faintly.  Turning in her sleep to see who called.  ‘Jackie’, again, closer.  Catching her breath, but unable to open her eyes, trapped in a deep sleep.

Once again, ‘Jackie’. 

Suddenly, she was in the clouds, white/gray, billowing softness…everywhere.  Bright and vivid.  She felt goosebumps raising on her skin, felt her toes and fingers retracting from the cold.  ‘The cold?  What cold?’  Looking down, she saw her nightgown, descending to her bare feet, her toes turning red.  Lifting her hand, turning it, bending her fingers…  They too were ruddy.  And then she realized she was standing.  A faraway place in her mind screamed in warning, ‘You can’t stand!  You are going to fall!’

Yet there she was standing, in her nightgown, with cold fingers and toes and goosebumps racing up and down her spine. 

Again, ‘Jackie’. 

Startled, she looked up, saw the clouds, felt their moist cold touch on her body, and realized she was not standing at all.  She was….floating?  The voice in the back of her mind screamed, ‘Oh my god!  What is happening?!  Wake up!  Wake up!’  But the louder it screamed, the further away it moved, until she could no longer hear it.  She opened her mouth to speak, but only air escaped.  Her voice had been stolen.

Now fear began to rise as bile in her throat, clenching every muscle, spreading its menace throughout her body.  It warned of danger, told her to run, hide, escape.  Yet when she tried to raise her foot, nothing happened.  The fear careened into her mind, flooding it with nightmares, exploding, sizzling, burning.  Yet still she could not move.  Nor could she scream.

‘Jackie.’

Now the voice materialized in front of her, carried by a blue mist, drifting, weaving in and around itself, presenting now as the faint outline of a woman, now an angel, now a wolf…  Mesmerized, Jackie watched reality fold in on itself, creating something new every time it opened up once again.

She reached out to touch it, felt the energy swirling around her finger, felt it awakening the energy in her, felt the magnetism of it pulling her soul.  She pulled her finger back and saw it transformed into brilliant white light.  It shone like a star from her hand.  And the blue mist danced.

Now the blue mist formed into a long shimmering coil and began encircling her, first slowly, then picking up speed until it became a blur of blue mist surrounding her.  Wherever it touched her, she lit up like a star.  Soon there were a multitude of rays shooting out from her, brilliant white light.  The rays merged with the blue mist, creating bursts of color. 

The blue mist reached into her and gently touched the fear.  Without ado, the fear melted into the mist, leaving behind white light that flowed through her, spreading peace and serenity where fear had once reigned.

‘There are two emotions,’ shared the mist, ‘fear and love.  You get to choose which shall color your life.’

And then a memory filled Jackie’s mind.  A child of six was holding a telescope, given as a present with the promise that it would show her the wonders of the world.  Attached to it was a strap so that she could carry the telescope with her wherever she went.

Ten years later, the child, now 16, carried the telescope everywhere.  She no longer viewed life through her own eyes, only through the telescope, for the telescope held all the truths she would ever need.

Another ten years passed, 26, another ten, now 36, now 46, now 56…all gone in an instant.  And there she stood, confident and clear in her understanding of life and the world, drawing all her decisions and conclusions from her telescopic view.

Jackie watched the scenes unfold, proud of her accomplishment, proud of her refined view of life.

And then, the mist showed her the view through the telescope.  The world was narrow, circumscribed, with nary a peripheral image.   It was oddly gray, delimited by black contours bearing no dimensions. 

Startled she pulled back from the telescope and experienced the wonder of the reality she now witnessed.  Light, color, dimension, depth reaching into forever, complexity, dynamism, all the stages of life and death unfolding simultaneously…

And then she saw the old woman, lying in the dark room, alone, surrounded by things that kept life in place and erased the unpredictability with a vacuous, unmoving certainty.

An emptiness filled her chest, pressing down, pulling the breath from her.  And darkness flooded her soul, a cold, biting, unforgiving, angry, fearful dark.

Falling to her knees, Jackie wept, felt herself plunging from that sacred place back into the hollow of that room and her life…

And then she felt a hand under her, enveloping her in love and light, preventing her fall into darkness.  She felt the light saturating her body and soul once again.  She felt life such as she hadn’t felt since that day the present of limited vision arrived.

Reaching for the tether around her neck, she lifted it from her and handed the telescope to the blue mist.  The telescope turned fiery red.  Jackie could hear it screaming, ‘Wait!  I know!  Only I know the truth!  You must listen to me or die!’

But it couldn’t resist the light and love flowing through the blue mist.  Jackie watched as the blue mist transformed it into energy and then infused it with white light and love, its essence transfigured.

Jackie opened her eyes to see the morning sun peeking through her shades, sparkling on the walls.  A kaleidoscope of colors leapt up to greet her.  Life called to her from the halls, beckoning her to perceive it with her new vision.

Entering the dining room, she felt the life stories of all around her, saw their dreams and pain, their futures and past, the possibilities of their today and the hopes of their tomorrows.  She saw the complexities, the mystery, the unknowns of life.  The colors danced in and out, creating contours, blending possibility with vision, creating, creating, creating…what?

‘What would you like to create?’ the blue mist asks you.  

‘I gift you a panoramic view, the ability to see so many perspectives, so many dimensions.  Yes, it can be confusing, and complex and feel chaotic.  But it is also everything, all.  It is the fodder from which you can create...anything.  You can see the different perspectives.  You can learn to understand one who carries that different perspective.  You can learn to love and create, accept and honor all of it.'

'I gift you all of this.  And I gift you the freedom to decide.  The telescope is there if you want it.  And the wild mystery is there if you want it.  Just know that whatever you decide, I will walk with you, always.'

What is your choice, what shall you create?