A Soul's Journey

Homecoming

Dear beloved, blessed child!

  Your homecoming; auspicious!

  You bequeathed me equanimity,

  courage, strength and composure.

Did you come on your mother’s hand?!

  Standing by you, her warm smile shining.

  Yes, she did find you and bring you home.

  Our resplendent, grand, cherished mother!

The girls come out to meet you and our mom.

  Their exhilaration is irrepressible, triumphant.

  I watch them, my heart swelling; ecstasy, love.

White Wolf Woman at my side, watching serenely.

  Her wisdom flows through me, fills my heart, mind.

  We are whole, in the wake of a lifetime of separation.

What words to mark the ineffable, remarkable moment?

This Life Designed

The children dancing, melting in and out of the other.

  The blue mist settles over me, gifting sight of the All.

  My mother, father, me; bridge spanning now to infinity.

Surrounded by angels and souls eager to journey with me.

  Dreaming my life; visualizing, considering the possibilities.

  The path chosen; souls promise gifts, choose roles, prepare.

Incredulous about the role my father chose, the gift he offers.

  To elicit the most brutal pain, ordained to weave through time,

  pain that defines the entirety of my story, the sweep of my life.

My father offered to tear my soul apart; steal and hide my essence,

  leaving behind an awareness of something absent but unreachable,

  creating an emptiness he knew would be filled with years of self-hate.

My mother moved to hold us as he embarked upon his heartbreaking task.

  And they both pled that they be allowed to gift me the love, light and faith

  that would carry me through the travails and remind me of who I always was.

Soul Loss

His work to tear apart my soul began

  when my voice and will proved strong.

  He asked the baby to leave; she yielded.

Extracting her essence from my soul; gone.

  His first unspeakable act of love complete.

  The bereft father sobbed; baby whimpered.

Thrice more, his horrific appeal to his daughter.

  Thrice more, her unquestioning response, ‘yes’.

  Stripping her soul of the essences that made her.

Equanimity, courage, strength, creative innocence, 

  voice, the will to be heard, composure, all gifts she

  readily surrendered at her beloved father’s entreaty.

Each loss enlarged the hole inside my soul; emptiness.

  Life ensued; the emptiness displaced by self-loathing.

  My soul fractured.  Me, a pariah; an odious, horrid scar.

Proficient at self-abasement, I banished my core essence.

Maestros and Helping Spirits

Never alone on this journey, 

  especially when life shattered, 

  carnage everywhere, suffocating.

White Wolf Woman revealed herself,

  my tranquil, silent, enigmatic familiar.

  By her side and now mine, White Wolf.

Many followed, each offering unique gifts,

  cradling and cherishing my shattered self,

  sustaining the bonds to my soul’s essence.

Years past, collecting tormentors to my side.

  Bewildered, but learning to stand up for me.

  The dawning realization that I brought them.

Angels appeared, many in human form;  Fungai

  recounted my father’s story; the thread to mine.

  Thus begun, unraveling the coil into my 64th year.

Spirit breathes, ‘It is time to remember, take my hand.’

The artist rendering my life interlaced with my father.

  Memories, recast with divine vision, hasten epiphanies.

  Dânêl, my teacher, guide, Maestro, conducts the exposé.

Dânêl, ‘Zoë, it is time to reclaim your power from your father.’

  A battle for my soul ensues; my father lost in his role, resists.

  I wrestle with my beloved for my power, claim my sovereignty.

Calling Back My Soul

White Wolf Woman, long with me, yet silent, incomprehensible.

  Dânêl beckons her; she whispers and words flow onto the page.

  Then the remarkable revelation; she is my soul, my core essence.

Dânêl blows her essence into my soul; I am incredulous, awakening.

Two more journeys reaching into forever, inviting my essences home.

  The girls return, a baby, a 9-year-old, an 11-year-old, wary, courageous.

  Reunited; exhilaration, reverence, gifts re-integrating, blessed moment.

Re-Integration

  Epiphanies continue, illuminating abundant blessings.

  My Father

  He agreed to dismember my soul and send me away.

    He knew the agony, suffering, loss it would cause,

    but he loved me so dearly that he offered to steal

    my soul so that I might learn these sacred lessons.

  Then he lay prostrate to the children he sent away,

    bore my anger, mourned my grief, held me always, 

    even as I fought him to take back the power that he 

    risked everything to conceal and protect me from.

  Such an incredible gift you gave to me, my dear father.

    I see it all now.  I adore and love you with all that I am.

    I thank you for the most sacred gift you could give me.

    I am ready now to gift it all back to life, you at my side.

  My Ancestors

  Of late, I met my ancestors, including a Shaman, Martha.

    I was happy yet curious about their elation to meet me.

  Martha joined my spirit helpers to conduct soul retrievals.

    Then I learned that they all played vital roles in my story.

  As their faces appeared through the mist, I remembered.

    There on the bridge; their gift, love, harbor the children.

  My father entrusted each child into their loving sanctuary. 

    Now I understood their elation to meet me; it had begun.

  Martha helped to reunite us, making me whole once again.

    She journeys forth with me, imparting her Shamanic gifts.

There is so much more…